Hogwarts Sorting of 2009
From Harry Potter Fanon Wiki
The Sorting of 2009 took place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on 1 September 2009. Unlike previous years, the Sorting did not begin with a song by the Sorting Hat, but with the Sorting itself. Students were perfuctorily placed into their Houses, with many going into the Houses of their families, after which the Hat performed an unprecedented song:
For o'er a thousand years now,
my job it's been to be
the one who sorts according to
those talents that I see.
And every year I sing a song
to tell you eager souls,
of Hogwarts' storied founders
and their ancient, noble goals.
But mark my words, this year I have
a little more to say,
and you'd better pay attention
or there'll be a price to pay!
The four houses of the founders
were never meant to be
the only thing you need to know
about your destiny.
We've all been through, to say the least
A terrible few years.
There's been tragedy and horror
and no shortage of tears.
Yet with the fall of You-Know-Who
my hopes were raised anew.
'Surely,' thought I, 'they'll all see now
what they were meant to do?'
They'll take to heart the lesson
from those days of yore
when Salazar Slytherin was best friends
with Godric Gryffindor.
Helga Hufflepuff made three,
and Rowena Ravenclaw four;
wise and steadfast friends were they
who never would make war.
But now as then, no sooner
has the fighting come to an end,
than feuds and grudges flare anew
to separate friend from friend.
It's worse, I say – and that's saying a lot –
than before the war came here!
You wage vendettas, settle scores
And everyone lives in fear.
Gryffindors stand ready
to nobly defend,
but only those select few
they deign to call a friend.
You Hufflepuffs, who once were known
as friendly, just, and true,
you still are ceaseless workers
for what might benefit you.
Ravenclaws, sagacious folks,
are clever, keen, and wise,
but these most studious students
hoard their knowledge like a prize.
And Slytherins, what need I say?
What others say of you
is worse than anything except
the things you let be true.
I'm sick at heart (figuratively),
so here's my plea,
and ultimatum as well: make peace else
you'll hear no more from me!
That's right! No more will I sort you;
this time will be the last!
You may have thought I've got no choice
but you thought wrong, alas!
And just to make my point,
here's the most pointed part of my song...
Some of you, I just sent
somewhere you don't belong!
